|12 simple secrets of happiness
||[Jan. 7th, 2006|12:49 pm]
|||||pj harvey- is this desire||]|
I read this book about 5 years ago when I was going through a particular tough time with a friend, it brought me peace and strength at the same time.. I deserve happiness.. Right now I'm at a loss at work & home.. I"m finally standing up for myself and i find myself very lonely at times.. It hurts but I know its what needs to be done.. I was trying to talk to a friend of mine about whats going on and she wasnt listening kept bringing it to herself and i found myself stepping back and thinking why the hell do i even try?? Because thats what i do, i dont want to be known as a quitter, so i' continue to try and help ease others pain and problems by helping them find solutions when i cant even help myself.. So rather than exhaust myself 24/7 why dont i pursue this desire in the form of a career? I've tried talking to people about this and people just look at me like i'm crazy, am i being too deep? Whats wrong with trying to find yourself and what you want to do out of life?
Paul love him to death gives me that same deer in headlights look, wants me to figure things out for the both of us.. I wanted to do a little weekend getaway, no work, no worries kind of thing, asking him where he wants to go is like pulling teeth.. I dont want to be the cruise director 24/7..
I feel like no one gets me, and this very discouraging.. I've definately outgrown this area for sure, theres no challenges at work besides the drama, same sh** everyday, i'm bored out of my mind.. Recently its come to my attention that one of my closest friends could have been using me for the last year to get ahead, and i dont k now how to handle the sitatuion, maybe the this book will help.. She left early yesterday and i realized how faster the day went by, and that everyone was so lighthearted, i get along w/ just about everyone but when shes there its like she brings out the negativity, shes constantly the little devil on my shoulder pushing me to eat out at lunch and drink versus going to the gym which i should be doing.. I'm all for a little naughtiness every once in awhile but i think friends should want the best for you, not drag you down w/ them.. So as a result i've done kind of shitty with my diet this past week, no i'm not blaming her, but i'm blaming myself for allowing myself to get sucked in, i did so well for 2.5 weeks, lost 7 lbs damnit, i deserve it.. Or when my part time boss asked me to pick up another job and said it would help him out, i fall for that all the time, i wanted to scream what the hell about me, its not always about you .. Yesterday at work ashley was extra hungry and wanted me to run and pick up some chips but its the way she said it, like trying to guilt me into it, no i'm working bitch you can go and get your own damn food.. I dont want to play games, whats wrong with coming to work doing your job well and feeling good about yourself?? Although i did help an elderly lady yesterday get her prescription approved so she paid 20 dollars versus 130 for her medicine.. I like helping others but not when people take advantage of it, its almost better to help people that dont know you and truly need it..
My dad asked me to run a 5 k race with him and my bros and i think that will be the motivation i need.. And the fact that my mom is going to need me for the next 6 weeks, i've decided to take some time off from work to help her out and lighten the load for my dad a little.. I'm trying to be strong for my family but honestly i'm scared shitless.. its my mom moms are not suppose to get sick, and for some odd reason i'm spotting or something pauls getting pissed that i dont go to the dr but everytime i go i get the same answer, journal this and come back, then they change my prescription yet again.. i dont have the time for that
off to workout!